How can I help my anxious child or teen

Did you know...

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​4 out of 10 Whatcom County 8th graders report experiencing symptoms of anxiety (HYS 2018).

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"So are children more anxious than they used to be?"

This is a difficult question to answer for a number of reasons. First, we just don't have very good data about the prevalence of diagnosed anxiety disorders in children and teens. Additionally, most children and teens with mental health needs don't actually seek services. We can say that it appears, based on data from self-reported student surveys like the Healthy Youth Survey, that general worry and symptoms of anxiety are on the rise. This does not necessarily mean more children and and teens have an anxiety disorder. An anxiety disorder is a diagnosed mental health condition, and it is different than just general worry. Regardless, many parents and educators are wondering what to do to support anxious and worrisome children and teens. The good news is, thanks to decades of research into child and adolescent anxiety, we know WHAT we can do to help PREVENT and RESPOND to anxiety. We know how anxiety works. We know what it likes and what it doesn't like. 

How to respond to anxiety

VALIDATE your child's feelings. Even if the worry or fear seems completely irrational to you, acknowledge that they feel scared or overwhelmed. For example, you could say: "I see that you're really overwhelmed right now."

Encourage them and positively reinforce specific efforts. Anxiety, fear, and worry all show up in your child's life and try to convince your child or teen that they cannot handle whatever it is they are afraid of. Anxiety also has a way of erasing people's memories of times when they did well. Suddenly, your amazing child who performed courageously at last year's talent show cannot remember ever doing that, or remembers it very differently. Whether they're taking a test or going to a social event, they need to know that YOU believe they can do it. For example, you could say, "it will be difficult, but I know you can do this!" It's also very helpful to reinforce specific examples or efforts you see your child taking to fight back against their worry, "You're taking steps to face your fears even though it's uncomfortable."

Avoid avoidance & excessive reassurance
This brings us to our next topic- avoid avoiding. The thing is, anxiety will go away temporarily if we just avoid the thing we're worried about. However, consistently going out of your way to help your anxious child avoid the thing that causes them distress may, over time, inadvertently reinforce their anxiety. Anxiety is tricky, but once we understand how it works, it's actually very predictable and treatable. 

Model courage & Self-Compassion
Whenever possible, model courageous action and self-compassion. Even better, actually say out loud the things going on inside your head. This is a great teaching opportunity for your anxious child to help them learn to think about their thinking! For example, find everyday opportunities to model healthy, courageous thinking and ability to tolerate uncomfortable feelings. "I notice my heart is racing because I'm nervous about my presentation at work today, but I know that is really normal. I also know it will be a good challenge for me and I'm proud of myself for doing this. My anxiety brain is telling me that I shouldn't try, but I know the only way for me to overcome my fear of public speaking is to practice it."

Empathy, encouragement, self-compassion, gradual & safe exposure to fears, and opportunities for independence can help children TRADE WORRY FOR COURAGE!

If you live in WASHIngton state or near bellingham, WA and you're looking for a counselor or therapist for your anxious child or teen please contact Tammy Dee, LICSW.

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